Friday, April 20, 2007

I didn't even realize

how much I'm really starting over. I thought that I have made a tremendous amount of steps in my recovery from my stroke. Today it felt like I was taking some huge steps back. I've lived in my own little world that has included a few websites, my home and a few trips to stores. Today I went to the Secretary of State office. Holy cow! Talk about confusion. I was so confused. I know the me of the past wouldn't have been so confused but the me of right now was so overwhelmed. I needed to get four cars registered in Illinois. Now, to come to my defense, Illinois doesn't make it easy. You have to have the titles with you ~ not just the registrations. I had to come home to get the titles of the three that we own. My car is a lease and I have to get some documents from the leasing company before I can get an Illinois plate. I also wasn't able to get a plate for Mark's truck because we need a letter or something from GMAC stating that we own the truck and there isn't a lein on the vehicle. Even though we have the title from the state of Michigan, it doesn't matter. Anyhow, while I was there filling out the three forms that goes with each vehicle, I got a little overwhelmed and felt like I was going to have a panic attack. It was so noisy and the space seemed to feel like it was closing in on me. I took a deep breath and managed to get through it but it was a close call. It didn't help that I forgot my reading glasses and was having trouble reading the VIN numbers.

Mark has been telling me all along that if I stay this way for the rest of my life, he will be happy because they had him believing that I was going to be really handicapped. I can't even put into words how much I love this man for wanting to stay with me and stick it out especially when I have these melt downs. I absolutely HATE that I struggle with doing some of the simpliest tasks. This puts so much pressure on him to take care of things. I really want to take care of things like I use to. I honestly do. I'm trying. I'm taking that one step at a time. Sometimes those steps are so small that I get frustrated.

I feel like I'm starting over with finding out who I am now. I'm certainly not who I was....which can be a good thing. lol I feel pretty pathetic snapping at Mark on the phone in the Sec of State office because it was so loud. I shouldn't have taken my frustration out on him. I put one more thing on his shoulders. He has enough on his plate with his job right now.

So, back to what this is about...... I didn't even realize how much I'm really starting over. I'm starting over as someone different from who I thought I was. I'm not complete yet. Perhaps over time I will get better about handling some tasks. I've come really far physically ~ it's those mental steps that really need some help.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Why my life in cars?

Well, probably because its that time of the year again. Spring is finally here and Mark and I can enjoy being in a hot rod. One of our most favorite things to do is to just go for a drive in one of the cars. We must spend the majority of our time riding around or sitting around hot rods. We love them! We love our hot rods.

We have Rosey. Rosey is a 1974 Trans Am Super Duty. Rosey is very special to us because #1 - they only made Super Duty's for two years (73-74) In 1974 there were only 920-921 (something like that) made and we have one of the originals. We also have Elvira. Elvira is a 1971 Formula Firebird that Mark has rebuilt from the ground up. She has so much sweat and love in her. She is called Elvira because she is our mistress of the dark. Or as I referred to her before Mark gave her a name - that black bitch in the garage who sucks up all our money. I have grown to love her. She has air conditioning - something Rosey doesn't have.

We have had other hot rods that have a special place in my heart. Red Hawk who was my absolute favorite of all time. She is a 1999 Trans Am Firehawk and damn she was fast. Mark raced her and it was some of our best times together. We just sold her before we moved back to Illinois. We also had Bluhawk. Bluhawk was my 2001 Trans Am Firehawk convertible. She was a looker who won all sorts of awards at car shows but she was so sllllllooooowwwwww. The weather in Michigan wasn't the greatest for a navy blue metalic convertible either. We sold her for a 1967 Firebird convertible. We didn't even give this one a name. She didn't live with us for very long. She didn't drive very well but she looked good.

That is just a few of our hot rods. I'm sure there will be more and I will be talking about them. I'm really looking forward to spring and summer where we can exercise our free will in these beautiful machines.

So I have to start over...

Either I can't remember my username or perhaps its my password. I'm not sure. Anyhow, I can't figure out how to get into my old blog so I decided to just start over. Sometimes starting over isn't so bad.

The previous blog was used more as a bitching area for me. I'm going to do my best to not use this one to only bitch but to reflect and perhaps make myself a happier person. Can't hurt, right?!

I've started over in so many areas of my life so why not here. I divorced at age 30 and started over with Mark at age 33. I've never been happier. That was one of the best times I ever started over. I started over by going back to work last year. I haven't work in so many years and started over by working in a scrapbook store. Ok, so that one isn't so far fetched but hey, I did it. I started over. I stepped out of my comfort zone and actually taught classes every week. Sometimes I taught a couple classes in the same day.

I'm starting over in Illinois now. Back to my old stomping grounds sort of. It's still starting over. Putting down roots and making new friends. It's good to start over and grow.